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“I found my destiny on the path I took to avoid it.” by Nick Aman

On Wednesday, February 20, 2008, at 4:40 PM, the road I had been on came to an abrupt end as I descended the steps at Christ the King Episcopal Church. Entering my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, the realization that drinking was not merely a problem, finally sunk in: I was an alcoholic. In the 18 months subsequent to taking the first of 12 steps on a path of recovery, my marriage ended, as did a career I had spent over a decade building in restaurant operations management. Shortly thereafter, I checked into a hotel just off the interstate, despondent and hopeless, intent on ending my life. After three days of hiding from the world, and the wreckage I had wrought, the time came for me to leave the room and begin the process of rebuilding what remained of my life.

Without agency or a sense of direction, returning to my responsibilities, and thus engaging in daily affairs, proved more challenging than I anticipated. Moreover, I was embarrassed by the circumstances of my life and utterly ashamed of the behavior which I had exhibited, for far too long. Over time, as paying the mortgage and correlating expenses became increasingly more difficult, a product of matrimony that I, now, was solely responsible for, all hope seemingly and irrevocably vanished. Whether by fate or serendipity, and in spite having shared with no one the extent of my circumstances, it was at this point that a client named Jenny, with an envelope in hand, approached me one afternoon and said the following:

I never heard from, nor saw Jenny again, yet her demonstration of compassion and act of generosity that day forever changed me. Consequently, I recommitted to my program of recovery, which required sponsoring fellow alcoholics and participation in community-based service work, something that was anathema to my very being. Yet, it was in the latter that I truly found purpose, which heretofore had been conspicuously absent from my life.

The decision to put the needs of others before mine was personally unprecedented and profoundly affecting. During my tenure as a volunteer, I mentored at-risk youth, performed various administrative tasks within the financial services division of a local nonprofit organization, as well as delivered meals, made social visits, and participated in various fundraising events. Eventually, thanks to the encouragement and support of my wife, Tish, as well as colleagues and acquaintances I had come to know and admire, I applied for Mobile Meals Director with Interfaith Community Services (ICS), a Tucson-based nonprofit organization. Although the position was merely part-time and paid a pittance, the opportunity to serve others without pretense or obligation proved to be an inflection point in my life.

Two seminal events occurred as a result of my association with ICS: first, in 2013 I founded a nonprofit; second, I was introduced to Mr. Bernard Moody. To those suffering the effects of financial insecurity, my nonprofit offered temporary relief; yet, for the alcoholic who founded the organization, it was an elderly black man, living alone in a tiny third-floor apartment, that provided true salvation. What began as a volunteer commitment of only two hours per week, over time evolved into legal guardianship of a man neglected and exploited by friends and family.

Having suffered through bankruptcy, a heart attack, multiple strokes and the early effects of dementia, Mr. Moody’s vulnerability and inherent need awoke in me a feeling of compassion that, unbeknownst to me, laid dormant. Once again, thanks to the support of my wife, I was able to attend to Bernard’s emotional and practical needs full-time, as well as serve as his financial and medical Power-of-Attorney. During the period our lives intersected, I passionately advocated on Bernard’s behalf, while also attending to his medical, financial, and quite candidly, emotional needs. In short, I ensured the gentle man was well cared for and loved, and that his presence here was both validated and cherished.

Following Bernard’s passing in 2020, a void emerged that desperately needed to be filled. Burdened with a crippling insecurity, the prospect of attending college was never something I truly believed was possible. I questioned whether I possessed the requisite skills necessary to forge ahead with an academic career. Notwithstanding my decade plus of sobriety, what I could not deny was that a deep and lasting change had occurred within me. This realization, coupled with the support of Tish, instilled in me the confidence I needed to proceed forward. I therefore labored to enhance my proficiency in mathematics, analytics and writing, so that I would be sufficiently prepared for and perform well on my college entrance assessment exams. The preparation paid off. Consequently, despite a 25-year absence from formal learning, I became a full-time student at Pima Community College in Tucson, Arizona.

At a pivotal moment in my life, I received assistance from an individual who neither sought nor expected recompense. The generosity and compassion of Jenny, that day, combined with my dedication to a program of recovery, the encouragement and support of Tish, as well as the life affirming experience of knowing Bernard, is why my life is not forfeit. I am alive and thriving because love showed me a way out.

With the exception of one class, which I retook, I have steadfastly maintained a 4.0 grade point average as a college student at Pima Community College and now Arizona State University. To do otherwise would dishonor the faith others have in me and a disservice to my concerted efforts thus far. After receiving my Bachelor of Science degree in Political Science (with an emphasis on public policy), I plan to attend the Sandra Day O’Connor College of Law at Arizona State University, where I will attain a Juris Doctor degree so that I may carry forth with my advocacy efforts, yet from within the legal profession.

As an alcoholic with 14 years of sobriety, I cannot in good conscience claim to be more worthy of the good fortune for which I have greatly benefitted. However, what I can say as someone who has fallen into the abyss and re-emerged, is that when granted an opportunity to help another, who, like me, has fallen victim to despair and despondency, I have endeavored to show them the way out and a path forward. It is the gift that was repeatedly given to me and hence the very least that I can do for another. This story serves as a testament to the success of my life thanks to Tish, Bernard, and a woman named Jenny.

Nicholas B. Aman, Founder & Grateful Alcoholic

Dale Deffer

It was winter and in trying to escape an abusive family situation to make my life better, frightened and alone I hit the road. As an educated woman with a Journalism degree and having worked at many newspapers and being a published writer, I felt devastated I seemed to always return to an abusive family situation. My mother was a Narcissist and had given me to my grandparents as a baby to live the high life in New York City. However, she would always call me and ask me to return till I myself was in my sixties. The money this took was extraordinary. Even though I told myself I could always find a job and traveled to different locations, the day came when I was exhausted, sick, had a vehicle that was expired, old and breaking down, and in the course of events ended up with approximately 20 dollars far from help, a home or comfort. And, it was winter. I thought I would freeze to death in my van. I had to ask for gas and motel vouchers. 

A wonderful woman and her husband told me about Reciprocitree. I couldn’t believe anyone would help without a catch and waited to apply. Finally, out of desperation, I applied. I couldn’t believe I received the money in my bank account to help me find a warm place to sleep, gas for my car, food that wasn’t canned. I could, in fact, start again. It is a long way back. As a reporter, I want to tell other’s stories. I wanted to write about the migrants. I now firsthand know how to have nothing but a vehicle that is illegal and constantly being under the threat of being stopped by authorities. Fighting my way back is an extreme challenge. I am not a young woman. Yet, I persist. 

I believe in the goodness of all mankind. I move forward staring at the broken down homeless with carts, the people crossing the border with plastic bags and their last water taken from them to go hungry and thirsty and know the terrible pain of this situation. I implore anyone with extra funds to help. The people on the street are not there because of too much alcohol or drugs. Many have dissolved into hopelessness. No one will help them. I ask for the well-off people in fancy cars to open your eyes. You will be blessed more than tenfold. In any city with anyone on the street, that means there is a problem. America has the means and the people to help directly. I know personally how much a stranger’s gift can be of help. A good Samaritan is indeed just that. As the Bible recounted, if you pass by on the other side, you yourself will lose out and become hardened to life and to people.

Momo V.

Aaron Remmy

“I’m a hardworking barista at a coffee shop. I’ve been through a lot in my life with a dangerous marriage, trauma, locking myself in my house for years, never got justice for me and my kid etc....till I moved to AZ. I started a new life with my son, and got a job at a phone center where my Fallopian tube erupted, and having to leave my job because of the stress. I found this job, and it’s pretty okay. I get solitude, sorta busy, and I enjoy serving drinks. Lately my luck has been the pits.... then this awesome customer saw how hard I’ve been working, and how stressed out I am...he gave me a nice sized tip and it was only a cheap coffee of the day! I was very thankful, and he gave me this site to read. Thank you kind stranger! You actually made my day.”

Why I needed help is a rather long, depressing story. In short, there is a war between love and fear going on all around us.

I thought that all was lost. Recently I discovered that my wife was done with me, and had decided on divorce over a year ago. I knew it wasn’t good between us, but I refused to acknowledge just how bad it had gotten. My wife attacked my three year old daughter in the middle of the night, and then sought to have me arrested when I interfered with her attack. Afterward she was arrested and charged with several counts of disorderly conduct...and that’s when it started getting difficult.

I wound up broken, with three young children to care for. My wife cleaned out several of my accounts and ended up collecting food-stamp benefits fraudulently which belonged to me and the children. While I had recently started a new job, my health was declining and I had to take a lot of time off to deal with the situation. Several automatic payments didn’t go through, and I had spent all of the savings on rent. After seeking aid from many sources, and getting frustrated by it, I remembered Reciprocitree.

Perhaps a year earlier I had been in contact with them when my wife had gone in to a mental ward. I started venting on the web page....the next morning there was an email replying, “We’re going to help you.” I can’t go into too much detail about how bad it has gotten for me. Life is close to overwhelming me. Without the hope that the response gave me, I think that I would have given over completely to fear, and thrown away the life that I will have, as well as utterly letting down my 3 young children.

It’s not been but a couple of weeks since. I’m still in the middle of a world of pain, but love will win the war against fear.